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A simple, “Just thought I’d swing by and surprise you for lunch,” can be a wee bit awkward if you’ve already got a lunch date with someone else.You met a great girl at a café and she told you she’s free this Thursday. Except…you agreed with your primary partner that Thursday was their day to ensure your quality time.But café girl goes out of town for two weeks on Friday.Do you wait two weeks and risk the fizzle, or talk to your partner about making an exception?
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While that does make logical sense, love knows not of logic, and as fate would have it monogamous and non-monogamous people can and frequently do find themselves involved, in love, and in relationships. Similarly, perhaps an ordinarily monogamous partner will test and stretch their limits, agreeing to a mostly monogamous relationship with a swingers party here or a threesome there on occasion. Imagine a mother saying to her five year old, “I’m sorry, but I can only be mother to one child at a time.As do monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships require mutual trust and respect, while cheating undermines trust, respect and consent. On the contrary, non-monogamy can be just as challenging as monogamy is, if not more so at times, as it introduces challenges into relationships that monogamous folks don’t have to grapple with quite as much. Time Management For one thing, it isn’t as though non-monogamous people are suddenly granted more hours in a day, more days in the week, etc.To wit, cheating may fit the criteria of non-monogamy to the extent that there are more than two. We’re managing jobs, friends, family, pets and even kids just like the rest of the world. Right away that necessitates a lot more planning than monogamous folk have to worry about.In other words, when my partner is out on a date and I am at home with the cat, rather than stomping around in a jealous rage or torturing myself with what-if-he-leaves-me-for-her thoughts, I would aim to acknowledge my jealous pang as a normal feeling, but remind myself that my partner loves me, that they aren’t leaving, and to be happy that they’re enjoying themselves tonight and to enjoy my alone time with the cat. In comparison with monogamy, in fact, it forces a kind of work on trust that monogamous relationships bypass via the terms of monogamy.
Many take the trust experienced in monogamous relationships to be the epitome of the thing, but from another perspective, the “trust” experienced in monogamy isn’t trust exactly, but rather dutifully carrying out the terms of a treaty.That, however, is like saying that stealing is a type of trade.
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